Forgiveness: A Radical Act of Freedom
Forgiveness isn’t about saying, “What you did was okay.” It’s about looking in the mirror and saying, “I choose to free myself.” True forgiveness isn’t passive—it’s a bold, active reclamation of your power.
I want to share a story about one of my clients. Let’s call him Earl. Earl came to me frustrated and drained from years of tension with his mother. Every conversation with her felt like a boxing match he didn’t sign up for, with criticism landing punch after punch. To her, he felt like a disappointment. To himself, he felt like an outcast.
When we first started working together, Earl admitted something that hit deep: “I don’t even want to think about her.” That avoidance wasn’t just about her—it was a wall he built to shield himself from pain. But walls don’t just keep out pain—they also block the flow of freedom and love.
The Wake-Up Call: Understanding the Mirror
In our coaching sessions, Earl had a realization that shook him. His mother wasn’t the enemy. She was a mirror—reflecting his own self-concept back at him. Every criticism he heard, every trigger he felt, was an invitation to look inward. It wasn’t about her. It was about him.
“Wait,” he said, “You mean to tell me that her nagging me is a reflection of what I think about myself?”
“Yes,” I said. “If you see her as the problem, you’ll always lose. But if you see her as a reflection of your own beliefs, you’ve already won.”
And just like that, the game changed.
From Automatic to Manual: Owning the Script
The key shift for Earl was moving from automatic meaning to manual meaning. Most of us are running on autopilot, assigning meaning to events, triggers, and words without even realizing it. Earl was doing this too. Every time his mother criticized him, he unconsciously made it mean, “I’m not enough.”
We flipped the script. I challenged Earl to pause and ask:
What story am I telling myself about this situation?
What would happen if I rewrote it right now?
Instead of hearing, “You’re a failure,” Earl started imagining his mother saying, “I respect you. I’m proud of you.” It felt awkward at first. Revision always does. But the more he practiced, the more he realized: this wasn’t about changing her. It was about changing how he saw himself.
Persistence: The Hard Truth About Growth
Now, let’s be real—Earl’s relationship with his mother didn’t change overnight. This isn’t a Disney movie. There were still moments where old triggers crept in, and he felt like shutting down. But Earl had a secret weapon now: persistence.
“Seventy times seven,” we joked, referring to the biblical teaching about forgiveness. That’s what revision takes. Every time the old story creeps in, you revise. Every time you feel triggered, you revise. And slowly but surely, the energy shifts.
Earl saw revision work in other areas of his life—at work, with friends, even in his finances. But this relationship with his mother? That was the final boss. And like any true hero, he’s still leveling up. The game isn’t over, but he’s playing it differently now—with courage, with power, and with an unshakable belief in his own worth.
How to Rewrite Your Story (Yes, You)
Want to try this for yourself? Here’s the playbook:
Pause and Notice
When a trigger hits, don’t react. Stop. Observe. Feel the story you’re telling yourself. That awareness is the first step to taking back control.Manual Meaning Making
Ask yourself:What am I making this mean?
What meaning can I create that serves the person I want to be?
You’re not stuck with the story you’ve been handed. Rewrite it.
Visualize the Revision
Close your eyes and replay the trigger. But this time, reimagine it with love and ease. Picture the other person saying exactly what you need to hear. Feel the peace wash over you.Persist Until It Feels Real
Revision isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s a practice. Do it until it feels as real as the old story. Do it until the new story becomes your reality.
The Bigger Picture: This Isn’t About Them
Here’s the kicker: this isn’t about fixing other people. It’s about stepping into your own power. When you rewrite the script inside your mind, the outside world follows. Your relationships shift, your confidence grows, and you start living from a place of ease instead of resistance.
Earl’s journey isn’t over, but he’s already winning. Not because his mother changed, but because he did. And that’s the kind of transformation that changes everything.
Your Move: Rewrite Your Script Today
Are you ready to take control of your story? Join the Faithful Visionary Project for community accountability, or work with me 1:1 for deeper breakthroughs. The life you want is already within you—let’s uncover it together.
